Thursday, June 24, 2010

Suitors at our Door


I always knew Elsie was a fine lookin' pup, but this is ridiculous. Those of you that roll your eyes when I do yet another post about Elsie, go along your merry way. But, this involves some romance and lust, so you may want to stay.

About two weeks ago, Elsie 'became a woman'. I won't go into details, but it was a first in the life of me and Artie-poo. The vet had told us to be careful with her when this happens, as we can't get her spayed until she's gone through a cycle or two. I would always laugh and say, "She's always with's not like she can sneak out to go meet up with boys. How can anything happen?". After asking the price of a spaying, Art and I considered just not getting it done...maybe ever...400 Euros is freaking ridic!

Well, the time has come and I have learned, my friends, quite well why they call men "dogs" when they are canty nasties.

We really haven't had too many problems in the past couple of weeks (it lasts 3...yay). We just don't ever let her off of the leash at the park and when we see another dog and ask if he's a "rüde" or "männlich", owners are smart and we go our separate ways.

We can't just stop taking Elsie outside. That would be like taking away her air. She lives to go outside and explore and pull me down the street with her extreme strength. (I'm totally hookin' up a sled to her this winter so she can take me 'round town.) So, I just take her on smaller walks around our apartment.

Last week was our first suitor encounter. (I can't leave her at home for other reasons that will not be discussed and shall be solved in the near future...damnit.) It wasn't too bad. The rogue Jack Russell terrier followed us over 10 blocks and waited outside the entrance to the courtyard where we were sitting, occasionally coming in to try his luck again. Male persistence. It was humorous and Amber and I laughed it off as "Jack" waited at the exit like a guy would do...hoping to catch her on her way out...maybe she had some drinks and her inhibitions were down? Elsie only had two Guinness beers and her tolerance is high, so no such luck, Jack.

Well, TODAY...
we were at the park around the corner and ole "Limpy" (limps on his back hind leg) comes over. (He lives at the restaurant and always comes to greet Elsie...which now I know what he is doing..seeing what 'state' she is in..nasty basty.) Today he came out of nowhere...I went no where near his pad. He was aggressive. I was slightly kicking him and giving him firm commands to get the hell out. He kept following us...I started running. He ran. Limpy don't got no limp when he's got lovin' fever. Limpy fast. Coco running like a loser back home (we weren't far) and finally get to the big steel door to our building and lock Limpy out. Phew. Safe.

Not so much. Limpy ain't givin' up. Elsie's excited because there's action. I go sit down at the computer and hear his jinglin' collar outside. Then I hear him paw at the front door. Then I hear his jingling. I look out my window and he is liftin' his leg and peeing in our garden! How the hell'd you get in there? I closed the window thinking maybe he could still 'sense' Elsie in the air. He remains out there for 2 HOURS pacing from the door to the garden. I went outside once to shoo him off and found out how he was getting into our gated garden...a slightly bigger opening near the door. Limpy's a clever little dirtball.

Limpy's home. A fitting.

Then...the doorbell buzzes..Elsie goes berserk. It's these kids that randomly showed up at our door one day asking to walk Elsie. I'd never seen them in my life. They never ended up walking her because that had to go on a family outing, but now they are here to tell me, "Timmy's fallen in love with Elsie!!". I'm pretty sure they are wanting to bring ole Timmy the town stalker inside to 'play' with Elsie.

Not knowing whether these kids (one is about 13) have any idea what all of this means I just say, "Yeah, he wants to have babies with her and he needs to go away." They ask if I have two leashes...they would like to walk them together. "Um...NEIN. Can you please take little Timmy home?" "Sure!"

Ahh..goodbye. The last thing I need is Elsie and her separation anxiety multiplying before my eyes. Art comes home for lunch, I tell him the story, he cracks up while he mows down his mozzy sandwich. Fifteen minutes later when he leaves to walk back to work, guess who is back at the front door? He said he chased him all the way home.

So, now, as I type..Elsie and I are holed up. The vet had told me long ago when she was "läufig", she would seek male attention. Not ok. Elsie, you are 10 months old, which means you aren't even 7 human years yet! what if i catch her trying to sneak out in a studded collar?

I didn't think I'd be dealing with these adolescent issues so soon. Or writing about them on a blog...especially when it's just a dog!

But you know it's kinda funny.

Update: When I went to the grocery store hours later he is still lurking around...geez.


Juliette said...

ha ha, that is hilarious! so are you considering getting her fixed now? =P

Dana said...

you are cracking me up with this story of persistent limpy.

btw -- the captions under the photos is just a new feature in blogger; you should be able to do it also, i think.


Cathy McConn said...



E Money said...

HAHAHAHAHHA oh man i'm so glad franklin is fixed and i DON'T have to worry about him stalking pretty pooches....

Lisa said...

I think "Nasty Basty" was my fav.

Rachel in Graz said...

Oh no! Limpy Timmy´s pub is really rough, well as rough as you can get in your quite posh neighbourhood but definately not good enough for Elsie but then girls always want the boys their fathers don´t think are good enough for them . . . :p

jja said...

Maybe you could change vet? It is almost impossible to pay that much for castration - op or chemical one. Avarage price is less then 200 Euro, more likely 150, for cats it is like 75.

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